I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
