I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
