i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
