so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
