Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
