Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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