Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
