butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
