I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
