Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
