Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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