Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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