I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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