youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
