the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
