Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
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