How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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