Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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