Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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