I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
