i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
bring money and cleavage
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
