K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
