No, drunk sperm still make babies.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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