Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
