She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
