So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
