you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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