What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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