This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
