Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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