Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
