You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
