He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
