I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
