Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Do you still have your period?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
