you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
