After last night, I could never be a politician.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
