so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
