It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
