ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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