Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
