Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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