We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
