The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I woke up under a house in Key West
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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