i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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