to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
