I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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