...so i touched it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
