I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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