remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
