So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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