Swine flu. Run for my life!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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