It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
